Week 4 is finally here...

So today is four weeks from the day I started this new journey, and I am proud to say I am still going...  While I am not where I want to be, I am about 14 pounds closer than I was a month ago, and that is good for me.   Christmas was yesterday, and I must say, it was not bad.  My family opted for seafood instead of the traditional turkey and trimmings meal. 

I received a low-cal cook book for Christmas, by far my favorite gift.  I will be using it quite a bit!

There are still times I struggle with food, there are days when I want to eat what I want to eat without consideration of the consequences, however, I do not want to gain the weight back...I am fortunate that good sense wins out of the desire for instant gratification.  I was on pinterest, my other guilty pleasure, and saw a quote that helps keep me motivated :Don't give up what you want MOST for what you WANT right now.  While these words are simple, they mean so much.  Of course I could eat whatever I wanted to and be fine, generally speaking, but that will hinder my plan to be a healthier me, which is what I want most.

My biggest struggle lately have been to resist peanut butter cookies and to workout.  It is true, that skipping one day make it easier to skip the next.  Before I knew it 5 days had gone by and I did not have any exercise.  I was hurt to see that, so on Christmas Morning, I was up working out while the rest of my home was nestled in the beds. 

I have been weighing in for about a week and have not seen a change in my weight.  Normally, I might get discouraged, but I am actually fine with that.  As I mentioned, I have been waring with peanut butter cookies, and sadly, they win most often.  This being said, without my weight changing, that means I am doing enough to at least maintain my weight, which is more than I have done in the past.

One thing I am extremely relieved about is the level of support from my family and friends...people are very supportive, more than I had imagined.  It makes me super happy.  While I receive the nice words, the actions mean so much more.  Willing to try new recipes with me, eat in more than eating out, helping me watch what I eat, and most of all not pressuring me into eating things that I do not need to take in.

I am proud of my progress, my newer goal is to do better with my water intake and to get in more exercise.

This is all for now...I will keep you posted!

Oh yeah...here marks progress!

3 weeks in and discouraged...

I didnt realize today marked week three until just now (3:08 PM).  Well I must say, I am feeling discouraged for a few reasons, and trying not to just say forget it! 

1. I do not seem to be losing any pounds.  I weighed in today at 230.3, that did not make me smile at all.  I know this is my fault.  I did not stay within my calorie count a couple days, and the scale is reminding me of that.

2. I just want to eat.  It is as simple as that, I just want to eat without counting and calculating.  I know that I can if I make better choices, but the things I want to eat, are not as healthy as they need to be for me to be able to "just eat".

3. It does not feel like a lifestyle.  This whole calorie counting thing does not feel like a lifestyle to me yet.  I guess by now I expected to be extremely comfortable in what I knew about food.  Like I would be able to just eye ball measurements, and I would have a deeper understanding of how many calories foods were in general...WRONG.

4.  Exercise is not my favorite thing!  I still do not like exercising.  I have yet to go to the gym, and I know I need to.  I have been walking and doing wii fit, which is good, but not great.

I do have a moment of celebration: I was about to do 12 situps yesterday!!! I was so stoked.  In addition to that, I can tell my arm muscles are becoming more toned.  So even though there are many reasons for wanting to give up, there are a few for wanting to hang on.

Lately I have been wanting everything sweet, I have to research and see what that is all about...I will let you know...Until thinner comes,  I will continue pushing and planning.  After all, I am just fine tuning the treasure that I am!

2 weeks in...

Well I am two weeks in and I am ready to call it quits!!! That is my most honest feeling about it all.  However, there are some hesitations once give a little thought.  Today was a hard day for me, I defeated myself before 9am.  Today, a co-worker offered my potatoes and sausage for breakfast, another offered a cupcake, another a piece of chocolate pecan pie, none of which I turned down.  WHY???  Why did I allow myself to give in after two weeks of doing so well?  Reality, reality set in and I dealt with it.  Truth of the matter is, I wanted everything that had been offered to me.  It did not end there, at church, we had nachos...that CHEESE was DELICIOUS!!!

Now, that I am back on track and ready to be honest, I am able to update my journey.

Last night I felt a ton of guilt for splurging in the calorie department and eating more than my body needed to.  I went home and debated if it was even worth working out, or if I would just crawl into the bed and sleep the shame away.  As I sat in contemplation, I could only hear my own voice saying, it you exercise tonight, it will make working out tomorrow even easier.  You will feel better about yourself.  The least you could do is 30 mins of activity to help counter act your poor decisions today.  I reminded myself of some promises I had made to myself and the whole reason I want to lose weight. 

With that I got up, and went to work on the wii fit.  I did 31 minutes of exercise, broke a sweat, started to feel the burn, and most importantly felt like I was back in control.  I loved every second of it.  As I was choosing the activities I would do I felt me challenging myself to do the running and cardio stuff as opposed to the easy, no pain no gain things.

I weighed in yesterday before going to bed ( i know you are supposed to weigh first thing in the morning) I needed that visual reassurance that I was not back at square one.  Much to my surprise the scale said 230.6.  That made me smile, that is the lowest weight yet.  The funnier thing, this is the first time I have been able to share what my true weight is!  To date, I have lost about 10.4 pounds...Im excited about the progress. I have not lost as many this week as in the first, but that is okay, progress is good regardless.  Besides, the doctor warned me this may be the case.

I am not sure if it is my imagination or not, but it seems like my clothes are even fitting me better.  All in all, I am doing well.

The one struggle I have is not wanting to eat.  I am still trying to eat breakfast and snacks consistently.  It is hard when my body is not actually hungry. 

Well, I am sure I will be back again soon!  Until then, progress!

Spaghetti Squash!!!

Just a quick blurb about what I had for lunch today.  It was super delicious!!! I had spaghetti squash.  It was a lot easier to make than I thought, and tasted a WHOLE lot better than what I expected. 
I purchased the squash and cooked it the same night.  It cost about $2 or so at the store for a small one, on average they are about $.99lb, but the store I went to was more expensive.

I cut it in half lengthwise, this takes a little work, the exterior is hard.  I scooped out the seed and threw them away.  I put the two halves in a 9x13 pan flesh side down, and baked them at 375 for 35-40 minutes.  When they came out I let the cool enough to be able to handle them.  I used a for to scrape out the insides.  I used a raking motion, and it came up like noodle. 

Since I was not sure what taste to expect, I seasoned it while it was hot and fresh.  I used salt, pepper, garlic powder and onion powder.  Mixed it together and that was that.  I added it to some spaghetti sauce I had made previously.

I was brave enough to give it a try today, (well I had a co-worker try it first).  It had my entire office smelling delicious.  I was pleased that it tastes just as great as it smelled.  My sampler asked for the recipe.  I use a spaghetti sauce that has carrots, zucchini, onions, and few other veggies already in it, so it seemed to be a win all around.

Weight loss is tasting pretty good!

This is not my actual food, I ate it before i thought to take a photo.  I got this on the internet!

One week in...

Well, I am one week in on this new fitness journey, and I can say, it is going well.  My doctor has me on a 1200 calorie a day diet restriction, and it is going well.  I thought I would be going out of my mind now laying in a corner dreaming about food.  However, that is not the case.  NO, instead I am sitting at my desk, researching foods and meal planning.  I love this new lifestyle, there are kinks yet to be worked out, but things are coming along fine.

I went to the doctor yesterday for my one week check in.  The doctor wanted to make sure I was doing what we had discussed and that I was not going to say one thing and the scale and body analysis another.  Well I am proud to report that the doctor was surprised with what she saw.  In the first week I lost 7.5 lbs!!!  Much more than just the pounds I lost, some other things changed, and I am happy about that as well.  Things that I have never thought about.  For instance, the number of calories my body needs a day to function at its peak dropped by 32, which is great, because it means that my weight also dropped.  Additionally, the amount of fat weight dropped more than the amount of water weight dropped, also a good thing.  It means I actually lost fat!!! (Celebrating inside)  The most universal piece of terminology is that my BMI (Body Mass Index) dropped an entire point as well.  All good news in my book.

The ends are greats, however the means to getting there was not as glorious.  Starting out I thought I would not be able to eat anything.  I mean I was at the store, thinking OMG, everything has SO many calories, something I have never given much consideration to before.  I had cravings, and wanted things I shouldn't have and didn't really know what to do about it.  There were days I was so concerned with not eating too many calories, that I did not eat enough.  Which I am sure contributed to the massive weight loss.  As the week went on, it became easier, but there are still daily struggles.  There was one day, I had eaten far less than my allotted 1200, so I thought I could "reward" myself with some ice cream.  I did, it tasted great!!! However, looking back I know it was not the best choice.  I used 260 calories on ice cream, that could have been used on fruit.  Its a learning process as well as a growth process.  I am in a place of transition.  Trying to help my body understand that just because I want it and can have it doesn't mean I should.

Trying new recipes has been fun.  I keep soup on hand either in the fridge or in single portions in the freezer.  I love soup!!! It also makes it easier if there were no leftover from dinner to take for lunch the next day.  I can grab soup and be on my way.  This way I am not tempted to cheat myself and hinder consistent progress.  I love chicken and veggie soup, its quick and easy to make and tastes great.  Additionally, you can have a large amount for not a large amount of calories.

My newest recipe is Fish Tacos!! Lets say YUM!!!

For my daughter and I alone we used the following:

1lb fish  (we used Swai/Basa)
2 tablespoons Blackening Seasoning (adjust to meet your tastes)
1 CanGreen Giant Southwestern Style Corn
Tortilla shells, hard or soft
Tomatoes

Lettuce

Cheese
Salsa
Sour Cream (Optional)

I seasoned the fish and cooked it stove top with a little non-stick cooking spray (0 calories), cook until done.  Depending on your fish this should only take 10-12 minutes.  Break the fish in pieces once removed from the pan.  Dice and cut veggies, serve as you would a regular taco.  

I am sure adding some cilantro, lime, and even jalapeno would make things even better!

I had my tacos on hard shells because they were 35 calories a shells versus the flour tortilla that was 100 calories per shell.  I still watched my portion size.  I was able to eat 4 tacos for a total of 340 calories.  I did not have cheese or sour cream on my tacos, and they were still delicious.  I think the next time instead of shredding the lettuce, I will use the lettuce as my shell.  That may afford me either cheese or sour cream...hmmm....

Exercising:

The exercising has been fun as well.  I have done a lot of walking, and will be hitting the gym tonight.  My commitment is to get exercise in at least 4 times a week.  I know for sure I will walk on Wednesday and go to the gym on Thursdays.  I am not sure what my other set two days will be, but I do know for sure, I will make it happen.

With one week down, and a lifetime to go, I think I am satisfied and will continue living to fine tune the treasure that I am...I will check in again next week!

Day 1

Today is day 1 for me, the beginning of something new.  For years I have been unhappy with my physical appearance, and have always said I would not get to this point.  Well I am here, and I do not want to be here for long, but am willing to stay here as long as it takes.

Yesterday was a big day for me.  I met with Dr. Woods, who work with the Center for Medical Wight Loss.  I have decided that my efforts alone, and the other gimmicks I was convinced would work, are not working and it is time to get serious about this thing. 

I failed at going to the gym, I failed using Sensa, and I am no longer willing to fail at this weight loss thing.

I went to see Dr. Woods, and after a consultation we have decided on a few things:

I will reduce my caloric intake to 1200 calories a day.
I will do at least 30 minutes of exercise at least 3 times a week.
I will drink at least 8 glasses of water.
I will take an appetite suppressant for a while, at least 3 months.
I will monitor progress and make a decision from there if I want to continue.

There were more option available to me, but this one seemed like it would allow me to be most successful.  Granted, I will not lose 20 pounds a month, I may just lose 4-10, and I am okay with that.

It was a hard thing to do, the morning of the consultation 11/28/12 I was almost convinced that I was not going to go.  I could reschedule, I didn't feel like making the drive, I didn't know how I would be emotionally, had I prayed on it enough, what was the point in doing all this really?  Above all the reasons I had not to do it, I have two bigger reasons to do it.  I am not ready to die or live with major health issues due to my size, and my family deserves a better me.  Not only my immediate family, but also the husband I am trusting God to send me.  While I want him to love me for me, I also want him to have the best me there is to have.

I want to do better for my daughter, she is young and image is important to her.  I never want her to be embarrassed with the way her mother looks.  After all, I believe that I am what she can look forward to "being" like when she gets older, and I was that to be a pleasant expectation for her.  Additionally, I want better for her.  My eating habits form hers.  If I eat fast good, so will she, if I eat baked chicken, so will she, or she will starve :) . 

Life is full of choices, and I chose to do better, be better, live better.  Today is day one and I am ready!  There are a few pictures below of what food looked like for me on this special day.


Breakfast: Vanilla Shake from CMWL

 

Lunch: 4oz Steamed Swai (Lemon Pepper), Salad (Romaine Lettuce, Celery, Bell Peppers, Cherry Tomatoes, and Mushrooms) With 6 sprays of Balsamic Vinaigrette, Sugar Free Cherry Jello and WATER!

 The remains of my salad that I could not convince my body to eat...

Sensa Beginning

So I have my Sensa and I've been shaking, but not consistently.  I can tell the difference already.  Not only in my appetite, but also in my mindset.  I want to eat less, and do better, and I can tell that I am.  I plan to hit it hard beginning Sunday, carrying a shaker with me at all times.  The biggest challenge I see lying ahead of me is camp.  I go to church camp this month, and am not looking forward to shaking while there because I know I will get blank stares, prayers, and many questions.  I am trying to prepare myself for it all.  At the end of the day, as long as I reach the goal, it wont matter what it took to get there.  July is month one.  I began weighing 243 we will see what the scale says at the end of the month.

The beginning is on the way...

So I ordered Sensa, but then it came on TV with a better offer, so instead of starting, I am returning the first shipment and will wait for the second one to arrive.  In the mean time, I have started bringing my lunch and snacks to work, instead of going crazy over sweets and what not.  I have been more attentive to labels and portions.  As silly as it sounds, I eat less when larger portions are available.  I think mentally, I have myself convinced that either I will look like a pig if I eat everything, or that there is plenty, and if I am a bit hungry later I can go back.  I think it also helps that when I am full there is more than a bite or two left.  This is good because I don't feel like I HAVE to eat it since it is such a small amount.  One step at a time, one step away from victory.

At a stand still again?

Well, I cannot even tell you the last time I went to the gym.  I was sick and then life got busy and and and...and I have not been there.  So I am ready to get back up on the horse.  I am trying a few new things to get my life in healthier order.

Weight Loss:
I am trying the sensa system.  I plan to give it my all, even with the possibility of embarrassment and ridicule to see if it will work for me.  Honestly, I would love to lose 50 pounds, but am at a point where 20 would send me screaming about.

Heart Health:
I plan to get more cardio in my life!  I will get in the gym no less than three times a week, and will work for at least one house.  If I can at least walk for an hour, I will feel like I have done well.  My goal with the cardio plan is to make the hour count for more each time.  Instead of only getting a half mile done in an hour, and to increase my ability to do more in less time.

Eating:
I have already starting working on this part. I will no longer shop for the whole month at one time, instead I will go to the store weekly.  my reasoning behind this is to incorporate more fresh produce and healthier meats.  I also believe this will help me reduce waste in the home.  Additionally, I will have to choose one weekly treat for my home.  I will not have both Oreos, Ice cream, and candy.  One item at a time to reduce the possibility of abuse.  I will increase my advance preparation.  I will cut and chop veggies on Sunday to get me through the week.

Drinking:
I am working to drink a TON more water daily.  I do not struggle with drinking too much juice and soda, but I struggle with drinking enough water.  My plan is to drink more water.

So far, these are my ideas that will lead me to a healthier me and a healthier lifestyle.

Long Time No Progress

So I haven't posted in a while, I have had a lot going on, everything you could imagine, except fitness.  So here I am trying to get back in the groove of things.  Today I ordered Sensa, I am going to give it a try in conjunction with the gym.  I will do weekly updates to let you know how it goes.

Fighting for the Feeling...

It has been a while since I last posted, and sadly enough, I must admit that I have not been doing so well.  I have decreased the number of days that I go to the gym.  I think it is a result of the newness wearing off, and the old mentality setting back in.

However, I have a counter weapon.  I have a 2 mile walk DVD that I use on days I do not feel like going to the gym.  I have not officially weighed myself (mixed feelings about doing so) I have been complimented several times for "slimming down".  It is always a nice compliment to hear.

So for now I will keep pushing myself...

Feeling kind of disgusted...

So I should have posted some of these pics in with earlier posts, but I didn't, so I will back track a little today.  I took the first two pictures (in the black) the day I had had enough.  February 15, 2012!  I decided on this day that I would start a journey to finding fitness that worked for me.  The first thing I did was put on one of the snuggest shirts I owned and grabbed a camera.  One of my frustrations is having such a huge belly.  For years I told myself that I wasn't "fat" because my breasts still stuck out further than my stomach.  Well, as you can see this is no longer true.

 

Front view

 

Side View

 I took these pictures to help me see my progress. I had on a tank top and pajama pants, I wanted to be as honest with myself as possible so I put on clothes that have no forgiveness.

FLASH FORWARD

I was doing well and was highly motivated to stay in the gym, until one day, I didn't go because plans changed!  Which led to another day of not going because plans changed! And yes, you know it, another day of not going because I was too lazy and out of the routine.  My excitement had not worn off, but my old self was coming back! 


To make matters worse I did a lot of eating out over the weekend, and as you can see below, I will pay the price for it.  I took a couple of updated pictures this morning.  I put on a white shirt that fits the same as the black in the previous pictures, but is far less friendly (doesn't have that slimming effect). 


I have an issues with honesty and my body, I often try to pretend things are better than they are.  I find that in order for me to be successful, I have to be honest, even when it hurts and even more so when I don't want to be.  The picture below show how I look and actually how I feel today.  I feel like a big blob that allowed her self to get sloppy fat with greasy fried food that tasted fabulous going down, but look disgusting as they sit around (my waist that is). 

 

Front View (today)

 

Side View (today)

I took these pictures as I was getting ready for work, so It looks a little more firm, but its still  hanging about as low as it was in the pictures above (in the black).

I feel like my body is holding a grudge against me for all that I put it through this last week with not being consistent and poor eating habits.  While I am not happy about it, it is up to me to make the change!

Discouraged but not defeated

Today was a day for me.  I started off excited about working out because my mother wanted to go with me!  However, as the day progressed, my excitement began to fade and I started to feel discouraged.  My mother is an amazing one, even being paralyzed on one side of her body, still has a lot of "get up and go".  She was determined to go to the gym with me.  

The game plan was to pick her up after work and go straight to the gym.  Well there were a few pit stops before getting to the gym, and well, by the time I could see the Planet Fitness sign it was about 7:00 p.m.  Even though I was tired and a bit discouraged, I went in with great expectations.  

Took my mom over to the bike and she was not comfortable riding the bike.  We searched the gym for a few more things she could do.  Yet, she decided she would just sit this one out.  So....I decided to do the treadmill before heading out.  I was about 3 minutes in when my mother caught my eye.  Puppy dog eyes and a smile that said, "I'm hurting but willing to suffer for you."  So I ignored it for another 2 minutes or so, and finally gave up.  I was also ready to do home.

On the way out of the door, Justin, the personal trainer on staff, stopped and said, I know there is something we can order to make it more comfortable for you.  Let me talk to my manager and we will have something worked out for the next time you come in.

That was refreshing to my spirits.  We still left, but no longer feeling defeated, but looking forward to the next visit.  For me, it will be Thursday since I have church tonight.  For my mother it will be Friday.

All in all, I will say there are a lot of things that can catch you off guard and toss you off track.  The way we react to it is what matters.  I am not defeated, and am looking forward to the next day in the gym...I have a feeling for fitness...

Fitness for real...

So for months, perhaps and more realistically years, I have been trying to establish a plan that would help me live a healthier more fit life.  I know that due to health conditions in my family, being overweight is not good for me.  Much like many, for every reason I have to start living  a healthier life, I have a reason why I am not able to do so.   I need to eat healtier, but I can't afford the produce.  I need to work out, but I can't find the time.  I need to stop eating so late, but by the time I get home and cook....its late!  Whatever the reason, I can give an excuse.  However, now I am making better choices.  I have been debating joining weight watchers for months.  I set a date, February 1, 2012 I was to join weight watchers, but once again, I had an excuse.

February 11, 2012 I was at a meeting at church, and I was a part of a conversation where my best friend was being "fussed" at by a few friends for not staying on top of her blood pressure when another friend mentioned the opening of a new gym that had memberships for only $10 a month.  Planet Fitness.  This stuck in my mind for a few days.  I figured at $10 a month, I could afford to join and was at a place in my life where I had a desire to be successful at healthier living.  So I made a comparison sheet of a few local gyms and decided planet fitness was a good fit for me.

February 15, 2012 was the first day on my journey for fitness.  I joined Planet Fitness.  So, what has me so sure that I will be successful?  Not only did I join the gym, but so did a few of my closet friends.   Today, was the second day I worked out and it is not as bad as I thought it would be.  Granted I am not pushing myself as hard as I will as I get more into this fitness thing, I have been putting in a good amount of time.  The first night I was at the gym for about an hour, but after a tour and getting settled in, we worked out for about 45 minutes.

Well, today I woke up not feeling so good.  I really think it was something I ate yesterday at a church dinner.  Despite not feeling good, I was determined to make it to the gym.  Tonight, we worked out for about an hour and a half.  I used to be the person who didn't understand how people would spend so much time in the gym, however, today it was rather easy!

So I burned 45 calories at this point in the journey...12 minutes to go!

 

This is me on the treadmill on day one.  Sorry its blury, but thats what happens when you and the photographer are working out... LOL!

 

In this part of the gym are two massage chairs.  I am sitting in one as I take the picture. 

  I am excited about my journey...I really have a feeling for fitness.